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Fantasy Brass Band - ref feat002
Ever wondered if you had just won a double role over on the lottery,
and had just invented the power to bring back people from the dead,
what brass band you could get together to win every competition
under the sun?
We at 4BarsRest have just won a tenner on the Thunderball
and have got a slightly strange interest in necrophilia, so we’ve
given it our best shot and come up with a band that would in our
opinion be absolutely unbeatable.
The only rule is that the players have to had either played in
or with a brass band at some stage of their career. (some lateral
thinking is allowed)
Conductor: Harry Mortimer.
O.K. We would have to call on St. Peter to get permission to let
him off practice with the celestial choir of angels, but his record
speaks for itself and he would have to wag the stick, organise rehearsal
times and perform the miracle of turning water into beer and lager
for the tea break.
Principal Cornet: Jim Shepherd.
God’s chosen messenger on earth and the greatest cornet player in
the history of the world. Just think of him seated there - just
like the picture of him on the cover of the High Peak record. Awesome.
Solo Cornets: Maurice Murphy, Wynton Marsalis and Jean Baptiste
Arban.
Not a bad team eh? Murphy’s there just in case ol’ Shep wanted a
break, whilst Wynton could play the odd jazz riff if required. A
good lip on him as well by all accounts. Arban on 4th man would
be the best “shoveller” in the business. Could play anything if
required – or so we are to believe if his book is anything to go
by.
Soprano Cornet and Repiano: Peter Roberts and Phillip McCann.
Can’t think of anyone else for the Sop job. Peter Roberts is a phenomenon
and only Arturo Sandaval could possibly do a better job “up top”.
It is for a brass band contest, so St. Peter gets the nod. The Scots
warbler gets the rep seat just in case there are a few oldies in
the audience who bought his “Worlds Suger Coated Melodies – Volume
19”.
Back Row Cornets: Herbert Clarke, Willie Lang, Maurice Andre
and Bix Biederbeck.
Mortimer would have his work cut out to keep these boys happy playing
the low stuff but what a back row these would make. Clarke’s in
for the Yanks and he could also get the band a few Sousa marches
into the bargain, whilst Biederbeck could keep the boys in class
A stimulants if required. Willie Lang’s a pretty good cornet player,
whilst Andre should keep those above him on their toes.
Flugal: Clarke Terry.
If you haven’t heard of him, then shame on you all. Possibly the
greatest jazz flugal player in history – and doesn’t every flugal
player think he can play jazz by putting in the odd trill every
bloody note. This man can do it all and more besides.
Tenor Horns: Gordon Higginbottom, Sandy Smith and Sheona White.
Got to stick with what we know here. Higginbottom gets the nod as
long as he’s promised an afterlife in Hell if he even thinks he
can dress up as a bloody bumble bee, whilst Sandy Smith gets in
on reputation alone – one hell of a player. Sheona White shows that
girls can blow and gets us the feminist vote to boot.
Trombones: Christian Linburg, Don Lusher and Douglas Yeo.
Not a bad line up on the bones. Linburg and Lusher would complement
each other brilliantly as long as the Swede doesn’t play any of
that music that makes him sound like a bloody motorbike, and both
can blow a bit if given the chance. Not bad soloists either. Yeo
is quite simply the greatest bass trombone player the world has
ever seen.
Baritones: Colin Hardy and John Slinger.
Just had to be didn’t it? The most traditional of brass band instruments
needs the most traditional players to make the most of them. Two
essential elements of Dykes great success of the sixties and seventies,
and like fast bowlers in cricket, great baritone players come in
pairs. This was the Lillee and Thompson of the banding world.
Euphoniums: Robert Childs and Nicholas Childs.
Someone might say it’s a bit like having the Neville brothers in
playing for England, but in their prime, the two best euph players
in the world. They wouldn’t fight like cat and dog either, if we
had chosen Steven Mead instead. The band could also get the odd
recording contract from the younger Childs boy as well.
Bass Section: John Fletcher, Steve Sykes, Derek Jackson and
Dean Morley.
A bass end to wake up the dead if required. (some of our choices
may have seen better days on the mortality front) Fletcher was the
greatest exponent of the tuba there has ever been, whilst Steve
Sykes was the best Eb bass player of the last twenty years – also
good if the band has to play in an entertainment contest. The two
on Bb speak for themselves. Jacko reinvented the role of the Bb
player whilst Deano has no peers.
Percussion: Buddy Rich, Simone Rebello and Evelyne Glennie.
OK, so Buddy Rich is stretching the point a bit, but you need a
good drummer all the same, and they don’t come any better than him.
Simone and Evelyne would be able to play just about everything else
from the xylophone to the kitchen sink and would look nice in a
skimpy band uniform.
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